Somehow... Just few minutes ago i managed to get the message off my chest...
Though, it wasn't the perfect answer to me. lol...
But... it wasn't as bad as i thought...

At least... we're still friends... =]

And somehow... it's kinda hard to believe that i actually told her. @_@
And when i did, she replied, "eh?"
So i knew she wasn't really expecting it...
Well, then i quickly added that i'm okay with us being friends for now.
I guess that's better too...

And so, here i am fallen into the hole again. haha...

OH SHIT no plotting card ARHH!!! INTERIM REVIEW HAVENT PLOT! WHERE'S KANG LI!?!?!?

Yesterday i kept thinking of one thing. And i wrote about it in my phone...

"2:36am, 30/11/2008
This is the first time i wrote a message like this. The problem is i like her, yet i seriously feel i'm not good enough for her. Even if people say i'm a nice guy, how would i know whether she feels the same? And will being nice really be enough to win her heart? I cant stop thinking about her. She's pretty, nice, and so charming. I know just because of that many guys are falling for her. Yet i also know that most of them did not even make it into her list... What would really be enough to be with her and to make her happy all her life? I seriously wonder. I dont want her, i need her. But somehow i just know that she wont want me back...
Dont know what to do. So many possibilities could happen if she knows the truth. Haiz. Lovesick."

Somehow i felt a sense of deja vu, because i once thought about writing a blog thinking whether i'd love again.
In that thought i remembered updating my blog in this same manner... And thought i will never get who i really want. Now i'm afraid.

Somehow it hurts to always have someone always in ur head, though you know she'll never be yours.

But, maybe there's hope. because i havent asked her... Be Optimisitic. ><

The Story Of Me
Chapter One: My Zeroth Girlfriend?
This marks the start of my true story about relationships.

I had just finished secondary four. Her name's Julie... I first knew of her through Audition... Back then, i was still a noob, and still playing in the novice servers. Her in-game-name was Rox5Angelz.

In this club dance room, we just happened to meet, and when i asked whether she wanted to couple me, her answer was "anything". And so, just like that, we became audi couples...

Rox5Angelz was always very quiet in game... Even Celestina was afraid of her silence at times... Her sms replies were often short, and i often had to remind her to make longer replies, rather than just "Ok", and "Hahas"... And her replies often included <333 behind, if i remember correctly.

We planned every month to save smses, because of the 500 free message limit we know we both have.

Every night i'd sms her before she goes to bed, wishing her well and adding a good night "kiss" in text form...

However, all along i thought our relationship were just friends...

Then until one day, Julie's auditionsea spoiled, and i couldn't play auditionsea with her anymore... Soon, another girl came along. Her name is Gladys. In-game-name pink1.

Gladys was of the same age as her... about 5 years younger than me...

Then only a few days after we first met in audition, i coupled her in the beginning of november 2007... This was without Julie's notice.

Me and glad already started acting like a couple as soon as in the middle of november... And whenever i checked Julie's blog, i'd see how she'd write about how much she misses me...

I asked glad how i should tell her, and whether i should, because only then, i felt bad for her. But in the end, i really didn't tell her...

Only a few months later, i talked to Julie again, and realised she really did like me... How stupid i was. She explained to me how furious she was when she realised i ran off with another girl... Yet she had forgiven me. i think.

Julie, if you're reading this, i'd tell you i'm sorry that i didn't tell you earlier before coupling glad... And i wish you well for your relationship with your current bf. =]

There is a long confusing story in my head that i just cant put together right now... i'll update some other time.